On bittersweet goodbyes

Yesterday was my last day at KaBOOM!.

I'm still clawing through and untangling the mess of emotions that are accompanying my transition. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check out this blog post from a couple of weeks ago.)

I don't think the fact that I was leaving truly hit me until my last day. I hadn't left a ton of stuff to do, but opted to hand-write "sand" (notes of appreciation) to every staff member. This process took a few hours. It was fun to take time to reflect on what each person meant to me, and it was an exercise that took a surprising turn as I realized that, despite the fact that I worked with 80-odd people (or 80 odd people, heh), each one of them really meant something to me, and I could conjure a happy and distinct memory of each.

Then I started working on my goodbye letter to the whole staff. I created a photo-and-caption montage, and the process of creating it conjured so many memories of things I've loved about KaBOOM! that I started to get misty-eyed. From the Culture Captain event where I wore a cow costume to singing karaoke to "The Time Warp" at our staff retreat, I wondered...will I ever be allowed to be THIS WEIRD at work again? The reality of the situation hit me like a Mack truck to the sternum.

Later, I started going through my "kudos" file on my email and copying over my favorites to a Word doc. That brought back a flood of memories, too, and reminded me how much my work was appreciated over the past couple of years. Even at the ripe old age of 30 it's easy to occasionally feel like I'm just a stumbling moron who occasionally strikes it lucky...but re-reading these emails was a real confidence-booster.

People kept dropping by my pod to say goodbye throughout the afternoon. Surprisingly I found plenty to keep me occupied until 6 p.m., when I was able to bum a ride home (and thank goodness, because I had a ton of stuff to haul).

Through the hugs and the near-tears, I felt profound sadness for that which I'll be losing, but hope for the future, too. I know I won't really be losing the awesome people I've worked with, thanks to the miracle of Facebook. We'll all keep in touch and will probably still hang out. Plus, I have a whole new adventure to look forward to...one where I can really stretch my wings and take my career to new heights, working with an equally amazing (albeit much smaller) staff.

And in the meantime, I have a whole week off to reboot. If you have suggestions for how I should occupy my time (especially since I'm going to try to stay out of Josh's hair as he works from home), please post them in the comments.